Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
