Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
