So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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