I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
