it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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