I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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