4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
4 words: hood of his car
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
