No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
