I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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