If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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