can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
