I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize