Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
