do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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