ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
