woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
