A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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