Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
