This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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