Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
