i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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