Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
