i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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