Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
