Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
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dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
