I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
