I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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