When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
