I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
