i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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