are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
