Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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