By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
