Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
