Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
