smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
