I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
