I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
