her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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