I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
