I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Randomize
