There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
