There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
