I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
