i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
