It's Friday. Sex?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
