if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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