i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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