it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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