so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
