I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
