Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
