i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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