Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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