ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
