: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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