If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
