I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
