why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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