I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
