the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My vagina just clenched in fear
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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