i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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