i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
