Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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