Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Redeem this text for a blowjob
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
