I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
