i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
