So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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