Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
